Disgrace Read online

  A loud whistle yanked me from my thoughts, and the hound in my lap immediately pushed to his feet, then stood completely motionless. I was still sitting on the stone path when a demon came around the hedges, his brow furrowed, and those green eyes glimmered with annoyance as he stared from the hound to me.

  “What are you doing?” he demanded.

  “I was petting him,” I said.

  “I wasn’t talking to you,” he snapped, staring at the hound. “Well? Explain yourself.”

  The hound grunted and lowered his head as he was scolded by the demon I assumed oversaw the hounds.

  “Don’t get mad at him,” I argued. “He was keeping me company, better than that lot inside.”

  “His job is not to keep you company. His job is to protect the guests.”

  “From what?” I glanced around. “Don’t see anything charging toward us. Think we’ll all survive the night.”

  “There’s always a chance for an attack.”

  “Yes, and there’s always a chance it will storm, or snow, or you’ll fall down flat on your face because you trip over your arrogance.”

  I swore the hound smiled until the demon glowered at him and he went back to attention.

  “You think this is arrogance? I am merely doing my job.”

  “Right, yes, your job is being rude to anyone who walks by and is friendly to your guard dogs. Apologies,” I muttered and decided the stones were a bit chilly and it was time to find my feet again.

  I tried to get up gracefully, but the dress I was not used to wearing got tangled in my legs, and I started to trip until the demon reached out and caught my arm. His muscles bulged, and my breath caught as I took in his looks. He was certainly attractive, with a dark red beard and hair to match, pulled into a long braid that hung down his back. His horns weren’t black like so many others, but rust-colored. They were amazing to look at. Without thinking, I reached up to run my fingers along one, but he flinched back and let me go suddenly.

  “Sorry, that was rude,” I mumbled, wondering why my voice came out sounding so hoarse. “And only one of us needs to be rude this night, yes?”

  He crossed his arms and turned his attention to the hound. “Most stay away from the hounds.”

  “Well I’m not most people.” I was curious about him completely changing the topic from what I’d said.

  “I can tell,” he muttered, and my hands went to my hips as I stared him down. His brow arched, and a hint of amusement flashed in those green depths. “I suggest you leave the hounds be. You never know when one might turn on you.”

  “No worse than anyone else turning on me,” I whispered without thinking. His gaze turned curious for a heartbeat until the annoyance was back and I shook out my hair, trying to get my bearings. “Besides, they won’t.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “There’s many things I know that you don’t.” I lifted my chin. “What do you know of them anyway?”

  He whistled again and the hound I’d been petting barked once, loud and fierce, flashing his teeth as his hackles raised. If he was trying to scare me, he was failing miserably, and I merely tapped my toe impatiently. He whistled again, and the hound went back to his first stance.

  “You and I have some work to do, Rush,” the demon growled, clearly irritated the hound’s aggressive showing had done nothing to scare me off.

  “Rush? That’s your name, huh, big guy?”

  The hound’s tail wagged, and he turned that big head back to me. The demon’s arms fell to his sides, his face slipping from disbelief to annoyance then finally settling on anger. “You should be on your way. Leave the hounds be.”

  “Fine, I’ll go, but you should work on your manners, just a bit,” I suggested. “Smiling occasionally would be good for you, too. Help with those anger lines etched into your forehead.”

  His lips parted, and I swore I heard Rush grunt in agreement with me.

  “Who are you to say such things to me? You goddesses, you’re all alike, aren’t you? Just like the gods, so full of themselves, ordering everyone else about.”

  “When did I order you to do anything?” I asked. “Suggestion, that’s all I said.”

  “You shouldn’t suggest things to those you know nothing about.”

  “And you shouldn’t lecture those merely trying to be friendly,” I shot back. This demon had me more riled up than I’d been in a long time and I felt the strangest urge to smack him or kiss him, not sure which. I shook my head again, needing to get away from this damned reception. I swore the entire evening had messed with my mind.

  “I thought you were leaving.”

  I threw my shoulders back and acted like I was going to head back inside. “Perhaps I’ve changed my mind, and I’ll stay a bit longer. See if I can befriend any of your other hounds.”

  “So you can get bitten?”

  “By whom? You or them because the only one with the bad attitude around here looking like he wants to hurt someone is you.” It was true. His eyes held a dark glint, that of a predator seeking out his prey. His right eye twitched, and he looked ready to keep arguing with me, but I’d had enough.

  I was at the mirror and placed my hand on its surface, not giving him a chance to speak. I thought of my temple and stepped through, swearing I heard the demon complaining to the hound about ignorant goddesses. If only he knew how false that statement was.

  I exited the mirror and walked into my temple in the human kingdom of Channon.

  The people here were of a sturdier sort. The mountainous region was colder, the majority of the year, more so than any other. The people wore furs and stoked fires all day and all night long to keep out the chill; many grew used to it over time, such as myself. But a warm fire was always a welcome sight on a dark, snowy night. My people were trappers, traders, fishermen, and crafters. The ground here was too hard to grow much of anything except potatoes, onions, and a few small patches of herbs. Mostly, it was game and fish since the land bordered on the Black Coast. But they got by, with a little help from me and the other gods.

  Before I exited my wooden temple with its high, loft ceiling, walls covered in antlers and massive bear pelts, a fire lit in the central stone pit, I changed out of the proper dress I’d worn for Irina’s sake, and tugged on my thick, fur-lined leather breeches, leather and soft fur top, fur-lined boots, and my heavy fur cloak that kept me warm. Fur everything here.

  I snuggled into that cloak, loving the feel of the fur against my skin after dealing with silk and lace all day long. After all, I was only a demi. I felt the cold more than the others, not that I hated this look. I quite preferred furs and breeches to silks and dresses I could hardly move in. I was far from my other sisters in many regards, my lifestyle the most obvious difference. I walked out of my temple and into the freezing—despite it being spring—night air. Snow covered the ground, crunching loudly beneath my boots. Smoke curled white against the dark sky, no stars tonight, blocked out by clouds bringing more snow. I took a deep breath, letting the icy touch fill my lungs before a shiver raced down my spine and I hugged my cloak closer.

  No souls roamed late here, most curled up around their fires, and that was quite alright with me. I blessed each home I walked by, ensuring everyone inside stayed warm throughout the night, and their fires remained lit. It was true I could not do much by way of god-like powers, but I managed. I’d inherited very little of Tori’s talent for magic, or none at all really. Probably one of the other reasons she’d left me. I wanted to be strong like a few of my sisters and say nothing ever got to me, but even after thirteen years, watching Tori walk away from me cut deep. I longed for the warmth of my own hearth and a large mug of hot cider, so I left the village road and headed up higher into the mountainside, wanting to chase away so many depressing thoughts.

  I was only alone for a few moments before two shaggy, white-furred wolves emerged from the shadows, one on each side. I ran my hands through their fur as they nudged me. “Missed you, too,” I sighed,
realizing how much of a fool I’d been to think I would have seen Holden at the wedding. As if I should even care.

  Which I didn’t. If he wanted nothing to do with me then maybe we would find a way out of this wedding. Or we’d get married and remain apart for the rest of eternity. It made no difference to me.

  Grell and Hela, the two wolves and leaders of the largest pack in these woods, followed me all the way to my cabin, and then inside. I stoked a fire in the hearth, rubbing my hands vigorously together to get some feeling back in them. The flames danced along the four walls of the space. It was nothing fancy like the home Irina had in the god realm, or even the other demis had. But I never needed much. Four walls and a roof suited me just fine. The place was filled with books and herbs drying as they hung from the ceiling. There was a work table, a chair, a wooden bed, tonics and salves, bottled and crushed herbs and flowers, bones and other ingredients. All tools of the trade. My efforts focused on healing. During my early years, I’d watched Tori use magic for nearly everything. Back then, I’d thought it was amazing, but now I considered it laziness to rely on magic for such minor things. Besides, the last thing I wanted was to be was like her.

  Grell and Hela circled me as I walked to the door and stared out into the night.

  “What do you think? Prince Holden of the Underworld, yes or no?”

  Hela huffed as Grell growled.

  “Yes, my thoughts, too,” I mused. “You two might be on your own for a few days. Watch over the village for me, will you?”

  Grell leaned into my leg as he bowed his head. Hela nuzzled my hand and stared up at me with yellow, knowing eyes, tilting her head to the side as she whined.

  “I’ll be fine,” I promised. “What’s the worst that can come of this? I get married and become a princess. Gods, I hope I don’t have to wear dresses.”

  Hela growled in agreement, and I turned back inside, leaving the door open. The wolves sometimes stayed the night, sometimes not. But I never feared leaving the cabin open to the night. The pack kept watch over me, just as I did the same for them. I kicked out of my boots and curled up on my bed, dragging the pile of furs over my body. I shut my eyes, the drink, and food from the festivities making me sleepy.

  When I closed my eyes, I saw the demon with the red hair again. He had a way about him, the way he worked with Rush, it reminded me of myself. He was rough around the edges, the type I always seemed to be pulled to. Eventually, I fell asleep and dreamt of dancing hellhounds and of Irina in that gorgeous gown. The dream wove in and out of the day’s events, the fire crackling somewhere in the background of it all.

  Gabriella.

  I jerked in my sleep, realizing I was dreaming, but I couldn’t wake myself up.

  Gabriella, my daughter…

  No, no I wasn’t really hearing her. I couldn’t be. I yelled at my eyes to open, doing whatever I could to get myself to wake, but the dream held me securely in its clutches.

  Your time is coming, Gabriella, to prove whom you truly love…

  I gasped as I sat upright. My hand stung, and I glanced down to find Hela staring at me worriedly, holding my hand in her mouth. “Thanks,” I whispered, and she released my hand. I held my head, groaning as it throbbed in pain.

  But then Hela growled again, and I glanced up to find her with hackles raised, staring at the open doorway. My right hand reached slowly under my pillow for the dagger I kept there as I lifted my gaze and saw an outline of a woman standing just outside. Time froze, and it was as if something had hold of my throat, strangling the life from me. I gasped, but no air filled my lungs. My eyes bulged, and the hand on the dagger gave up its search, flying up to my throat instead. But there was nothing to yank away.

  “Gabriella…”

  That voice! It couldn’t be, but then the figure was gone, and I hunched over, sucking in air as fast as I could, stumbling out of the bed as I gave chase. Hela was right on my heels as we rushed out into the night. I slid to a stop, cursing as the cold bit at my feet. There was no sign anyone had been here, no trail I could see, and by Hela’s growl, after she sniffed the air, there was no scent to track either.

  “Damn it,” I muttered, rubbing absently at my throat.

  Hela gave me a questioning look, but I promised her I would be fine and urged her to join her pack. Her white body took off, and when she was out of sight, I turned back for the cabin, locking the door behind me this time. That figure, that voice… I gave myself a hard shake and fell back into bed. It was a nightmare, nothing more.

  The other option was too impossible, too frightening to think about.

  By the time the sun’s rays broke through the bank of dark clouds, I had hardly slept at all and another day was ready to start. I pushed down whatever happened last night and dressed for the cold day. I’d be staying with Irina and Ezra soon anyway. There wasn’t a chance she would follow me to the Underworld.

  Who was I jesting? Many witches lived in the Underworld. The chances of her being there already were high. My hands shook as I gathered my furs and made a mental list of what needed to be completed this day. Not many things scared me in this world, but Tori… Tori had scared Alric at one point.

  I’d be a fool to not feel the same.

  2

  Holden

  I lifted my hand, and the hellhound pups sat in response. I pointed down, and all flattened to the grass. Nodding with approval, I snapped my fingers and they all relaxed. I snapped again, and the line all stood up at attention, waiting.

  “Very good,” I declared and waved my hand.

  The puppies relaxed again, all wagging tails as they came over to get their hunks of meat for another job well done. Rush sat proudly nearby. As he should. This was his first fathered litter. He nudged each pup with his nose, ruffling their thick, black fur as they happily walked away to each eat their dinner before breaking into playtime.

  “What do you think?” I asked Rush. “Like father, like pups?”

  He barked in agreement, and I scratched the top of his head. “Though it’d be nice if you did not turn into a big old softy when you’re around breathtaking goddesses, hmm?”

  He shook out his mane of fur in reply and turned to me, waiting for his dinner.

  “I know, there was something special about her. Can’t decide what it was.” I tossed him the biggest hunk of elk from the table behind me, and he took it, wolfing it down.

  That goddess had teased my dreams for the last couple of nights. She’d sat on the ground as if she was comfortable there, something I never saw any goddess do. The bantering had annoyed me as much as it had excited me to have someone not afraid to speak to me, and not speak down to me either. Then she’d stood, and I lost all sense of who she was. That dress had not suited her, but her hair, it had been braided back so intricately and beautiful, and filled with beads. Barbaric in nature, but it fit her, told me who she was beneath the silk dress she had clearly not been used to. I never caught her name and wanted to pinch myself for being a fool. Not that she would want anything to do with me once she learned who I was.

  Not that I could do anything with her if I was to be… wed. I glanced skyward, groaning at the notion once more. Could my life get any worse?

  I watched my latest brood of hellhounds eating, and wished dealing with other demis and gods and humans could be this simple. Hellhounds were so much quieter and easier to talk to. They listened and held no judgment. I would’ve been more than happy being alone with only the hounds to keep me company for the rest of my days, but sadly that no longer seemed to be the case. I almost felt sorry for whichever princess wound up with me for the rest of eternity. I wasn’t the Prince of Disgrace because I drew the short straw.

  I was placed here by Jaspen for one reason and one reason only. Out of the six Princes of the Underworld, I was the only one who was a bastard. Were there other bastards? Plenty, but I was special, and I hated it. I would’ve loved to remain a no-name half-demon, half-god, but thanks to the pleading of my mother, I was given a tit
le and a place to rule over. Disgrace. I glared at the tattoo branded into my right shoulder, remembering the look in Jaspen’s eyes when he’d given it to me. He’d enjoyed seeing me in pain, though I’d done all I could to hide it. Did all I could to avoid speaking with him or any of my brothers. I was not well liked; I knew it and accepted it, was happy running my small kingdom and training the hellhounds.

  But no, Jaspen had to go and make a bloody deal with that bastard Alric.

  The idea of marrying some spoiled goddess, the daughter of that smiling, backstabbing pretty-boy god had me growling as I left the hounds and walked through the training pens to the path leading back to the onyx marble castle I resided in. Several messages had come from her already, and I ignored them all. I might not have spoken with Ezra at his wedding, not even told him I was coming, but I’d been there to offer the hounds as extra guards for the event. He and his new wife appeared happy, almost as if they were truly in love. But that was all well and good for him. No one would ever love the disappointment I was, the stain on Jaspen’s legacy that he never wanted. The outcast.

  I should have headed to the hall to eat my dinner. Alone, just as I did every other night, but instead, I turned to the armory to grab my bow. I was in no mood to sit here cooped up all evening. Hunting, that would get my mind off this arranged marriage that I’d be damned if I was going to let it happen.

  “Sire?” Josef, my head of household and one of the few servants who liked me, called as I passed by. “Dinner is ready for you.”

  “Eat it yourself, I’m going hunting,” I said, continuing toward the armory.

  “I’ll alert your guard then instead, shall I?” he asked, trailing behind me.

  “No need. We both know my family would be quite happy if something snatched me up in the wilderness and killed me.”